18 November 2005

Things Done in November

You know the first guy to put ice cream in a sugar cone was a fu%$ing genius, right? So was the first person who tried open-mouth kissing, the guy who gave Oprah her first job, and that Sandwich Earl, who discovered the formula of (bread x 2)/meat = delicious. All brilliant chance-takers seek (and find) excitement, adventure, and a tasty lunch. So cheers to the brave souls who were first to pony up 77 cents for the ride of a lifetime.

Customer 1: Write your favorite joke on 5 postcards and mail to 4 friends and one stranger.
Feedback: Pending

Customer 2: Watch the movie ELECTRIC DREAMS.
Feedback: "I forwarded this email to the girl I'm dating. She thought it was amsuing and wondered how you arrived at $.77 as your fee. That's about it. I guess I'm a little anxious about our relationship, because she lives in Chicago and I live in NYC. And she just told me today that she's not coming to visit this weekend because she's pretty busy, which I know is true. My gut tells me that things are going to be slowing down for the Winter, what with all the holidays and work business. But I wonder if I'll be able to start it up again in mid Jan. or so... ? I mean, I really want to keep this going, because I think this girl is perfect for me. But I guess one of us is going to have to move, and I think that person is going to be me. And I don't know if I really can, because I have a good job here and I'm not sure I can find a great one out there. Plus, like, I know she really likes me, like she says she loves me, but she's not a very communicative person, and I wonder if her affection will last through the Winter. Fuck. Maybe its just the seasonal affective disorder, but I feel fucking terrible that she's not coming to see me, and I wonder if we'll ever end up seeing each other again, or if it will just fizzle out. I want this relationship to last. I'm 32 now, she's 28, and I'm just ready to commit, you know what I mean?"

Customer 3: Choreograph a personal dance routine to "Let's Hear It For The Boy" by Deneice Williams.
Feedback: I DO like my assignment. I haven't done the dance YET...but i'll be sure to get it onto a video and give you a copy.

Customer 4: Bake something sweet and give to (or share with) someone you think is cute.
Feedback: "[My Thing to Do] was surprisingly sweet. Unfortunately, my gas is shut off, so no baking. I learned you have a soft side and give out non-blowjob advice. I will most likely use TTD77C again. Maybe you can offer a gift option for X-Mas? Imagine taking care of your list 77 cents at a time."

Customer 5: Introduce yourself to a neighbor, or someone else you'd like to meet.
Feedback: Pending.

27 October 2005

What We're About

WHAT WE DO: Here's the deal: you give us $0.77 and we'll give you one thing to do. That's it. Simple.

HOW WE DO IT: There are no parameters. We don't take requests. It's a very simple transaction. You give us seventy-seven cents and we will give you something to do.

WHY? Doesn't matter. Maybe you're bored. Maybe you're curious. Maybe you're looking for purpose in your life. Maybe you have seventy-seven cents burning a hole in your pocket. Think about it. Earlier today someone you know asked you, "Whatcha doin'?" to which you undoubtedly responded, "Nothin'."

Nothin'? NOTHING? Friend, you didn't know it, but you were exactly seventy-seven cents away from a more substantive answer to that question.

FAQs: "What kinds of things to do?" "What if you give me something to do that I don't want to do?" "What if I'm morally opposed?" "What if I'm financially or physically impaired from doing what you ask?" "What are you going to do in return?"

FAAs: Let's be clear: you don't have to do anything. Our transaction begins when you give us $0.77 and ends when we give you something to do. Whether or not you do it is totally up to you. I mean, frankly, you might as well. You've already paid for it. Why not get your money's worth? But that's your prerogative*.
*For the record, all sales are final and we have a rock solid "no refunds" policy.

As for the types of things to do, well, I can tell you this: they will vary in style, scope, and degree of difficulty. We will not ask you to break any laws.

But maybe you're not a risk-taker. Maybe you need more input before you make your decision. That's cool. Tell you what, we'll keep a record right here on this blog of everyone who's purchased something to do, and the something to do they received. And we'll post the feedback we get from our customers.*

Most of all, we will not raise our fee. Ever. The cost of Things to Do will always be 77 Cents. There's no amount of global warming, nuclear winter, or monkey torture that will change that. For every man, woman, or child (above 18, or with parent's permission) who is looking for something to do and has seventy-seven cents to spend on said thing, TTD77C will provide that something to do. And that's a promise.

So let's get BUSY, America!

Darci Ratliff
President, TTD77C

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Get busy DOING or get busy dying.

*Yeah, we've really fallen behind on posting that feedback. Maybe later?